If I Were A Banned Book
If I were a banned book, I’d be the dirty bits and the heaving breasts and the twisted sheets and the scented oils and the chains and rope and dripping candle wax. I would coax you into multiples, and I would urge you to invite another. I’d be the empty bottle of gin on the kitchen table. I’d promise to call, but never would.
If I were a banned book, I’d tell you to challenge authority and question everything and demand answers. I’d tell you that the 1 percent is nothing without the rest of us labeling the 1 percent the 1 percent. I’d teach you to cook anarchy and embrace diversity and kiss your same-gender lover in public.
If I were a banned book, I’d let you ask me about sex and growing up, and I’d sing the caged-bird songs, and I’d be each of the nobodies who would answer to the name nobody. I’d teach you to sail a raft and swim against tides and dance in towns where dances aren’t danced.
If I were a banned book, I’d be the light on long-past midnight in your attic, and I’d be the cauldron around which dance witches and in which fire burns and toil and trouble doubles.
If I were a banned book, I’d bring flowers to the grave of a mouse and I’d teach you that forever sometimes means forever and sometimes means less than forever but always means what forever will mean to you, then, at that moment.
If I were a banned book, I’d be the secrets you write in your diary and I’d be the lies you write in your diary and I’d be the truths that you wish weren’t truths that you write in your diary.
If I were a banned book, I’d be cupboards and wardrobes and the hidden door under a stairwell in which lives the boy who lived. I’d be beanstalks and magic shoes and godmothers, winged and otherwise. I’d be potion poultice poetry. I’d be words wings wizardry.
If I were a banned book, I’d dance with insects outside of an enormous peach, and I’d race wolves in woods overgrown with ivy and snow. I’d be the substitute teacher who’d let you smoke cigarettes outside. I’d be the comic book hidden behind your history book.
If I were a banned book, I’d urge you to go ask Alice, and wrinkle time, and ride in talking cars. Everyday, I’d crown a new king fly-lord, and everyday would be a good day to say goodbye to something.
If I were a banned book, I’d be the Pigman and I’d be a Wallflower and I’d be the story of Sleeping Beauty, written under a penname. I’d kill mockingbirds and I’d talk about the things we talk about when we talk about things like death and love and sex and forever, which, as I already would have taught you, sometimes means less than forever but always mean what forever will mean to you, then, at that moment.
The milkshake: This is not limited to fast food nor to milkshakes. That ‘concoction’ is the industry standard artificial strawberry flavoring found in everything strawberry flavored that isn’t naturally flavored.
Chicken nuggets: Total lies. My sister works at the Tyson plant that provides KFC and McDonalds their nuggets. There’s no ‘pink paste’ stage. ’Reflavoring’ is an injection of mostly salt into the meat in order to give it some taste because modern day chicken is nearly flavorless. If you want to disgust people, show them the conditions of the processing plants that dismantle the chickens.
The pubic hair one: You eat more of your family’s pubic hairs cooking in your own home. You think you don’t shed once you walk in your own door?
Peanut butter: This is a cold hard truth of food mass production. There will be insects. You can never get rid of them or take them out of the process. The FDA places limits on how much can be allowed into specific foods so that food manufactories don’t get lazy and just say ‘Well we can’t keep it out.’ The FDA limit helps immensely because it makes these places try to keep the insect population down through keeping things clean.
Shellac: Oh my god this is so stupid. ’Shellac’ is an INGREDIENT. It’s a NATURAL PRODUCT produced by INSECTS. It is then PROCESSED into food-grade glaze or colorants, OR into wood and furniture polish. They don’t just take wood polish and dump it on your jawbreakers. Grow up.
Bacteriophages: The ‘phages of which you speak are used to kill the listeria virus. Listeria is a bacteria that attacks the immune system and has a one in five mortality rate. Bacteriophages? They’ve been used as an alternative to antibiotic medications in Russia and France for 90 years. That’s really disgusting and dangerous!
Coke: This is total and complete bunk. It would have been far more effective to point out that colas and carbonated drinks have been linked to weakened bones in those who overconsume them, but this is complete lies here. Again.
Salads: I think you mean propylene glycol. And again, this is bullshit. PG only causes reactions in those allergic to it. It has a very low toxicity and can only negatively affect human health if very large amounts are ingested very quickly and over a very short period of time. By which I mean ‘Find a vat of it and start drinking it and nothing else.’ Again you go for the lie instead of pointing out that fast food salads are processed and contain as much fat and cholesterol as most of the other foods offered by a fast food place.
Beef additives: This has nothing to do with fast food. This is common in MOST meats in the US. This is because the US has become so obsessed with the fat content of meat and making it ‘healthy’ that we have literally bred almost all the flavor out of every food animal breed we currently use. Flavorants are almost ALWAYS injected during processing or most of our meat would be bland and tasteless. ‘Flavorants’ typically being concentrated broth and/or salt and seasoning.
Cheese: Lies again. Only those cheeses labelled as ‘Pasteurized process cheese food’ and ‘Pasteurized process cheese spread’ match these stats. Pasteurized process cheese is simply a blended cheese made to have a sharp taste and be easily melted. Your lie here is that the 47% is referring to the cheese’s fat content, not cheese content.
This image is full of lies and misrepresented half-truths and anyone spreading this as truthful should rethink their approach.
#peanut butter is fast food
I’m going to eat at McDonalds all day every day now.
A bacteriophage is LITERALLY A VIRUS THAT INFECTS DANGEROUS BACTERIA AND KILLS IT WHILE BEING HARMLESS TO HUMANS HOW IS THIS BAD I’M LAUGHING
This is something I hate most about society right now. Far too many of my peers are scientifically illiterate and start panicking as soon as you throw around words that sound like chemicals because obviously chemicals are nothing but bad.
Everything you’ve ever ingested, interacted with, thought of, etc. is composed of chemicals. You are composed of chemicals. Deal with it. Just don’t lie to people just because you don’t understand something and you’re either too lazy or too stupid to figure it out.
I don’t want to earn my living; I want to live.